BIG ISSUE

Sitting round a jug of Nemea, someone asks how's my girls?

Owt good news of retrieval of their dad's heirloom jewelry from Villa Thefti?

Filchèd from my bedside locker April 6 2007, taken to my brother's Tuscan retreat for safer keeping from thieving Corfiots.

I say no news either way. Someone who knows the background repeats the general puzzlement over why my nephews/nieces should have first dibs on my most precious possessions when they're solidly locked into my Will of Jan 9 2003 as destined for the fruits of my own loins?

Supportive Pedant (thin-lipped scowl): "There is no issue"

[Like kid bro' has no kids]

Newcomer to the squabble: "Whadya mean, No Issue? It's a fucking big issue."

Tilt of flagon

Kerchunk of goblet toasts

Incantation curses: Penury, plague, perdition.