Jacquing Off

Oh dearie me - how shaming for already red-faced Jacqui Smith: no sooner does she leave the expenses-funded love nest to toil at Westminster than hubby settles down for a cosy night's porn viewing (ditto expense sheet).

Someone's going to be spending the next month or so on the dog-house couch. Better stock up on the you-know-what.

But what makes it even more of a hoot is that the Porn Peruser looks so exactly the part.

That is a man any of us would single out in a line-up or on 'What's My Line'.

"Would the first contestant please sign in.

Can we have your mime, please, and let's see if the panel can guess your occupation."

Five seconds' wrist work and everyone in unison:

"Porn Watcher!"

"Behind the wife's back, I wouldn't be surprised."

"In a manner of speaking."

Audience roars. Grinning compère mimics Speaker calling for order. Audience collapses.

Psst - It won't improve things if there's a mole selling Expense Secrets, almost certainly put down on expenses by the buyer.