LIP O' SANCTION

One picture worth 1,000 tombstones, I believe the cliché goes.

And here indeed is La Baldilocks proving it.

I'd never noticed how, for someone so famed for her foul-mouthed 'lip', she actually lacks space between that pudge nose and behemoth bouche.

Perhaps her pre-chemo Zapata moustache lent distance.

Obit: I wonder which red-top will squeeze a 'bitch' pun out of 'Obit'.

Anyway, 'sombre voices and gravitas' had me cackling; surprisingly good for the Evening Standard Diary.

Reports of her death: Ooh, Fleet Street must have loved having Hello!'s head handed to them on a plate. Tribute edition even before Ms Jade is actually "gathered".

Will Self nails it: "Tawdry Jade Goody freak show ... the very recrudescence of the canker that infests the social body."

Finis (except it isn't, by a long shot).

Dept of They Have to Say That ~ "Goody, who in the past was openly ridiculed for her ignorance and endless pursuit of fame in a culture dominated by celebrity, was yesterday praised for her courage by politicians, church leaders and entertainment heavyweights ... yadda yadda ... Gordon Brown, once forced to defend Britain as a country of 'tolerance' after Goody racially bullied Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty on Celebrity Big Brother, said she would be "remembered fondly" as a "courageous woman" admired by the whole country." (Pass the sickbag, Alice - oh, you just did)

Tribute time. Scroll down, leave your "say"

"Dreadful and untamed ... raw honesty and "realness" (blah blah) ... ordinary ... with no particular talent". Groan, heave. Here come the self-serving quotes and crap, which I make no bones about editing to fit.

I swear  I included the word 'farce' in my tasteless sneering at Two-Shoes' pre- and post-mortem coverage, but I can't see the word anywhere so it must be in the other post (I just checked and isn't).

Anyway, it's certainly usable *now* with the Beeb being hammered for making her demise

"the lead story on the news bulletin on The Andrew Marr Show ... covered prominently across all its television and radio networks – and across its international news services including the World Service ... the first thing you see when clicking onto the BBC website - all rather pathetic."

More than pathetic, I'd say. By the dagger of Dematria! Thank Thalia that nonsense never reached the gated Condos of Koli. I have enough problems without going down with a bad case of Goody Fatigue.

Funeral: Watch out, here comes the real Cirque du Jade, for which the headline writers need not strain themselves for inspiration. Le Cirque du Soleil has already coined the barnstorming vocab:

" ... a dramatic mix of circus arts and street entertainment. Get behind the scenes, look at each show, pictures, and tour information."

That is exactly how it will be and it reminds me of the wake for my saintèd maternal grandma. They came from far and wide, types who never visited her over 30+ years but about whom Granny always spoke fondly and sent cards and kept in epistolary touch. As we stood round quaffing her Makers Mark and VSOP and Dom P, we all agreed *this* was the party reunion she would have enjoyed and always deserved.

Ditto Two-Shoes RIP as she gazes down on the Media Cirque to cap all media cirks and hollers, "Fuuk, Cliff - the wankers are having all the fun!"

And the Telegraph Obit. I know I should be more 'propriately running The Sun's obitchery but I can't be fagged.

Spared the harrowing anguish - sons to skip funeral.

Monty Python to reunite ... whoops, that's a different sob story, tho' the next item sounds like someone's taking the python:

Goody life to be a movie - Hindustan Times

Funeral: News report speaks for itself, especially Maxwell's silver PR message hammered home.

Never thought I'd see eye to eye with that stage Yorkshireman but "Parky" hit it on the bonce when he worked it out that Jadders symbolises "All that's paltry and wretched about Britain today."

Goody! ~ The Musical. I kid you not. My mind isn't *that* sick in its determination to irk and disgust you.